My tweets

Sat, 11:08: RT @oscarewilde: i received this comically large pencil as a gift several years ago and my first thought, understandably, was ‘what the chr…
Sat, 11:08: RT @oscarewilde: the 2nd thought i had was: I’m Quite Certain I Could Ruin Someone’s Day With This. And so a while ago i took it in with me…
Sat, 11:08: RT @oscarewilde: utilising The Pencil is also dependent on the person not using a laptop. So the chances of success are extraordinarily sli…
Sat, 11:08: RT @oscarewilde: i size up my target, watching them feign patting their pockets in vain for the ballpoint they so obviously left at home, a…
Sat, 11:08: RT @oscarewilde: ‘Oh’, i say, ‘I’m so sorry; I only have a pencil.’ ‘That’s fine!’ i hear them say, distantly now, as the blood is rushing…
Sat, 11:08: RT @oscarewilde: I reach into my bag for The Pencil. The look of utter dumbfounded misery as i hand it to the victim is unparalleled in its…
Sat, 11:08: RT @oscarewilde: still maintaining that eye contact i smile, only the tiniest fraction, the unspoken words forming between us. ‘What are yo…
Sat, 11:08: RT @oscarewilde: they Always take the pencil